sometimes you wonder if accidentally on purpose falling onto the train tracks might be a good idea. please don't do that. go back to your house instead, and wrap yourself in a blanket. (babies find comfort in security blankets, and you're my baby.) stop thinking about the trains, and stop thinking about her. neither of those things can save you, dear. draw all over your arms with a sharpie, tiny words everywhere about that one and that one and that one. don't try to wash it off, it won't come. try to sleep if you must, but don't dream about that train, because there's a better way to be forgiven. if you wake up at 4 am, get out of bed and walk wincingly down the hallway till you reach the door. pass by the shoes in the mudroom-- it's better to feel the cement when you let the night enfold you. your feet need calluses just as much as do those fingertips of yours. don't think about the train: a plane will get you further, and the people you'll meet will have better stories.
+ every once in a while, I write stories of fiction blurred with fact.
xx.
